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🚀 The Book in 3 Sentences

This book is about dating for men. But it is an honest book, that says that you should start with yourself and become a person people likes and you are comfortable with. Real men are vulnerable and in charge of their feelings.

🎨 Impressions

It was a good book to read, in the sense that it is a book about dating that is aligned with my values and how I would like to live my life. It was mostly nice to read about the same values I want to embrace. I did not like the sexual parts that much, as they were a bit conflicting with my values. Asking for permission to do sex is considered to be a bit of a turn-off, but for me, it is important that this is clear and understandable for everyone.

How I Discovered It

On Nikitas's Everything I Know wiki page about relationships. Link

Who Should Read It?

I think men who have read too much pick-up artists should take this book to heart.

☘️ How the Book Changed Me

I personally felt that this book enabled me to become more focused on myself when I do my dating activities. I felt like it was a good companion when it came to being vulnerable and not caring too much about rejection. I think the moments I have felt hurt have been because I was vulnerable and set myself up to be disappointed.

Also, I think that it should not be a bad thing to approach women outside apps and stuff. When I return to Norway I will focus on this.

Real men are in connection with their feelings, they are not assholes, nor are they simps.

✍️ My Top Quotes

  • Neediness is when a man places a higher priority on others’ perceptions of him than his perception of himself.

  • It’s like swimming in the shallow end of the pool — yeah, you’re swimming, but it’s not nearly as rewarding as the deep end, and there’s piss everywhere.

  • I always tell men, if every girl you date is unstable and crazy, that’s a reflection of your emotional maturity level. It’s a reflection of your confidence or lack of confidence. It’s a reflection of your neediness. Non-needy people don’t date needy people and vice-versa. They can’t because there’s no attraction to begin with.

  • The biggest aphrodisiac in the world is someone who likes you, genuinely likes you. A woman’s desire is to be desired.

  • Narcissism means you only respect yourself. Neediness means you only respect others.

  • Rejection exists for a reason — it’s a means to keep people apart who are not good for each other.

  • Here are some other common examples of reciprocation: - She ignores her friends to stay and talk to you. - She keeps very strong eye contact and laughs a little too much at everything you say. - When you touch her, she touches you in return. - When you put your arm around her, she leans into you. - When you take her hand to move somewhere, she holds it in return. - When you ask her out on a date, she offers a place to go or mentions something she’d like to do with you.

  • strongly believe in the idea of “Fuck Yes or No.” That is, I want women to say “Fuck Yes,” once they’ve gotten to know me. And if they aren’t enthusiastic and excited about being with me, then I’m not interested in them anymore.

  • Trying to sabotage a woman’s relationship so you can swoop in and “steal” her is not only ineffectual but morally fucked up. It’s neediness and narcissism to an extreme degree.

  • The amazing thing about polarization is that the simple act of doing it demonstrates non-neediness and will then inspire more Neutral women to become Receptive than other strategies or tactics.

  • Everything that is attractive is polarizing.

  • Business guru Dan Kennedy once said, “Your ability to deal with the failure will determine how much you get to deal with success.”

  • The Three Fundamentals are: 1. Creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle. 2. Overcoming your fears and anxiety around socializing, intimacy and sexuality. 3. Mastering the expression of your emotions and communicating fluidly.

  • *Venues that you can use to meet women:

    • Dance classes (salsa, swing, ballroom, etc.)
    • Political organizations or events
    • Concerts and concert promotions
    • Amateur sports leagues (ultimate frisbee and co-ed volleyball tend to have a lot of women — women in good shape too)
    • Volunteering, charities, charities events (usually overloaded with great women) - Training courses (leadership, public speaking)
    • Cooking classes - Yoga classes (a goldmine)
    • Meditation courses and retreats
    • Self-help seminars and educational events
    • Travel groups (i.e., couch surfing)
    • For the religious: a church or whatever your faith’s equivalent is
    • Educational classes (foreign language, CPA, etc.)
    • Dog parks
    • Wine or beer tastings
    • Art galleries, exhibits or showings
    • Business networking events
  • I always like to tell men, “The only thing all of the women you date have in common is you.”

  • When it comes to age, studies show that men’s physical attractiveness peaks at around 31 (a luxury considering women peak around 21) and that our physical attractiveness recedes far slower than it does for women.

  • Humans stereotype for a reason: so that we can manage large chunks of information to orient ourselves more efficiently. Often, stereotypes can be useful. But usually they’re not. Often they’re nothing more than excuses — ways for us to avoid the blame and responsibility for not being satisfied with our results.

  • Our culture has hammered it into women’s head that emotion equals commitment equals happily-ever-after, but that’s just rarely the case.

  • In her book, My Secret Garden, the journalist Nancy Friday collected anonymous sexual fantasies from women around the world. If you ever want your mind expanded in an interesting way, check it out. There are women out there who get turned on by some really, well, let’s call it “creative” stuff.